I’ve felt nervous and anxious most of the day. I haven’t been able to concentrate, I’ve found my self pacing, and I feel like my stomach is in knots. I know these feelings have been building up because I am dreading tomorrow afternoon, which is the beginning of a retrial for one of the individuals responsible for the death of a family member.
Since this happened I’ve lived with the fact that my cousin died a horrible death, one which she could have survived if medical help was rendered sooner. Now this individual, who was convicted nine years ago, gets another chance at freedom.
Tomorrow our family has to listen to everything we had to hear in the first trial. We get to listen to the defense tear down my cousin’s character and all the horrible details of her death. How it was basically my cousin’s own fault she put herself in the situation because of the addiction she was battling at the time. Typical “blame the victim”. It was so hard to listen to the first time, but I know I have to be there to support the memory of my cousin.
Over the next week and a half, I may be using this blog as sounding board because I am the type of person who does not like to let my emotions show nor do I like talking openly about them. So, for those of you who read these posts, thank you for letting me write what needs to be written.